I think about death a great deal and even about suicide. I do wonder if I have what it takes to deal with this thing.
Maybe I do. As I sat here I was eating a bowl of cereal. I should not have been doing that as it is nearly midnight. I have been depressed all evening and I just gave in. I knew what I was doing, but I didn’t care. I just spat the bloody thing out. Damn it. Even if nobody is reading this thing, I am going to be honest here and I am going to make sure I don’t give up. My son needs me, and my wife needs me, and I haven’t done everything I want to do yet.
God damn it. This is hard. Every little pain is another stab of fear. I have to find a way of coping with this.
Maybe I do. As I sat here I was eating a bowl of cereal. I should not have been doing that as it is nearly midnight. I have been depressed all evening and I just gave in. I knew what I was doing, but I didn’t care. I just spat the bloody thing out. Damn it. Even if nobody is reading this thing, I am going to be honest here and I am going to make sure I don’t give up. My son needs me, and my wife needs me, and I haven’t done everything I want to do yet.
God damn it. This is hard. Every little pain is another stab of fear. I have to find a way of coping with this.
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